雅思作文的7分句式分享
雅思作文题目
An increasing number of people are changing careers during their working life. what are the reasons for this? Does it have a positive or negative development for society?
学生在主体某段落的句写道：
If one employee quits his current job and opts for another one, the company needs to waste substantial time to recruit another employee and spend money on training staff.
* the company是哪个company啊?看完这个句子，读者知道看来是离职雇员离开的公司，但是这个定冠词还是有些突然了。
* waste substantial time，怎么就是waste了呢，用词的评价性可不能随便。
* another employee一定有更好的词。
* 前面是recruit another employee，后面是training staff。不对等不匹配呀。
* 最重点的来了：if引导的状语从句措辞和句子结构复杂了。
* spend time to do something不是用法习惯。
上海新航道雅思写作培训班老师修改意见：
When an employee leaves a company, the company may need to spend quite a lot of time recruiting a replacement and money on training the replacement.
* 解决了上面评价时提到的所有问题。
小总结：
* 用词的评价性可不能随便。
* 措辞的“减法”(简洁/简化)是提升的关键。
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